margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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