I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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