So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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