That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ketchup is God's man juice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
