how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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