this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
