AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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