Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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