I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she told me i tasted like america
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
