I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
