i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
