I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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