Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
