if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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