im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
