I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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