Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
