My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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