i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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