It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
