This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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