Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
