I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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