Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
