I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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