I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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