I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize