theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
