I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
