people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
