she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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