No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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