OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
