ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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