You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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