Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
