I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
