If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
