I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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