The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
