Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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