Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
