I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
