Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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