the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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