I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
