I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
