he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
