I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
