***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
