Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
