I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
