I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
whose ass print is on the piano?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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