I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
