On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
