someone threw a dead crab at me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
