Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
