The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
