i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His hands were made for my vagina.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The feeling are messing with the penis
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
