So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
