I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
