she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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