508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
