I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
