I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
