i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
