no you cant smoke seaweed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
