Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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