Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
