i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
